The Ragnar Coffin Trick · Four Brands · One Deception
DEAD OUTSIDE.
WAR INSIDE.
Ragnar Lothbrok wanted to sack a fortified city. The walls were too strong. So he pretended to die, and his men carried the coffin through the gates. When the church doors closed, the dead man rose. The city fell.
Four men’s performance brands built on the most famous tactical deception in Viking history. The coffin is the container. What’s inside is the weapon.
The Saga
The city thought it was receiving a corpse. It was receiving an army.
The sources vary — some attribute the coffin trick to Ragnar himself at Paris (845 AD), others to his son Björn Ironside raiding a Mediterranean city (possibly Luna or Luni, mistaken for Rome). In every version, the tactic is the same: feign death, gain entry, rise from the coffin, open the gates from inside.
The metaphor is testosterone itself. The calm exterior. The controlled presentation. And underneath — every system at maximum output. Heart rate elevated. Blood oxygenated. Muscles primed. The body is the coffin. The performance is the army inside.
Brand I · $100,000 Acquisition
THE COFFIN
“Dead outside. War inside.”
Premium pre-workout supplement. One product. One purpose. The last thing you take before the gates open. Matte black canister shaped like a coffin. When you open the lid, the powder is blood red. You mix it. You drink it. You rise.
THE COFFIN
Pre-Workout · 30 Servings
L-Citrulline, Beta-Alanine, Caffeine Anhydrous, Alpha-GPC, Theobromine, Taurine, Himalayan Pink Salt, B12. Blood-red powder. Blood orange + iron flavor. 350mg caffeine. No proprietary blends — every milligram published.
$54
THE LID
Stim-Free Version · 30 Servings
Same formula minus caffeine and theobromine. For the 7 PM session. For the man who trains late and still needs to sleep. The lid stays on the stimulants. The war stays inside.
$48
Brand II · $175,000 Acquisition
RISE
“The dead man rose.”
Full men’s performance line. Pre-workout. Testosterone support. Recovery. Sleep. The complete system for the man who trains like war and recovers like strategy. Every product named from the coffin saga. Every formulation transparent.
THE PROCESSION
Pre-Workout · 30 Servings
The march to the gates. L-Citrulline 8g, Beta-Alanine 3.2g, Caffeine 300mg, Alpha-GPC 300mg, L-Tyrosine 1g, Betaine Anhydrous 2.5g. The calm before. Black cherry + smoke flavor.
$52
THE RISING
Testosterone Support · 30-Day
When the dead man stands. Tongkat Ali 400mg, Fadogia Agrestis 600mg, Ashwagandha KSM-66 600mg, Boron 10mg, Zinc 30mg, Vitamin D3 5000IU, Magnesium Bisglycinate 200mg. Daily capsule protocol.
$58
THE GATES
Intra-Workout · 30 Servings
The gates are open. EAAs 10g, Cluster Dextrin 25g, Coconut Water Powder, Himalayan Salt 1g, L-Glutamine 5g. Sip during the siege. Blood orange + sea salt flavor.
$46
THE RETURN
Post-Workout Recovery · 30 Servings
The march home. Whey Isolate 25g, Creatine Monohydrate 5g, Tart Cherry Extract 500mg, Bromelain, Turmeric (Curcumin) 500mg. Vanilla + birch smoke flavor.
$56
THE BURIAL
Sleep + Recovery · 30 Servings
Back in the coffin. Magnesium Glycinate 400mg, L-Theanine 200mg, Apigenin 50mg, Zinc 15mg, Tart Cherry 500mg. The body repairs in the dark. Lavender + chamomile. Powder or capsule.
$42
Brand III · $200,000 Acquisition
SIEGE
“The city fell.”
Tactical fitness brand. Supplements + training gear + programming. Not a supplement company that sells merch. A training methodology company that sells the fuel. The siege is the program. The supplements support the siege.
THE SIEGE (Program)
12-Week Training Protocol
Three phases: The Approach (weeks 1–4, volume accumulation), The Breach (weeks 5–8, intensity peak), The Fall (weeks 9–12, deload + test). Barbell + bodyweight. 4 days/week. PDF + app-compatible.
$79
THE WALL
Resistance Bands · Set of 5
Five bands: 10lb, 20lb, 30lb, 50lb, 80lb. Black with blood-red stitching. The wall you push against. Branded carrying bag with runic stamping.
$45
THE RAM
Lifting Straps
Leather and cotton lifting straps. Iron buckle. “SIEGE” debossed. The battering ram that breaks the grip limit. For deadlifts, rows, and anything the forearms give out before the back does.
$28
THE TOWER
Wrist Wraps
18-inch heavy-duty wrist wraps. Black + iron grey. Velcro + thumb loop. The tower that holds the press. For bench, overhead, and any load the wrist absorbs.
$24
SIEGE STACK
Program + Full Supplement Kit
The 12-week program + The Procession (pre) + The Gates (intra) + The Return (post) + The Rising (test support) + The Burial (sleep). Everything for the full siege. Shipped in a branded ammo crate.
$295
Brand IV · $125,000 Acquisition
DEAD MAN
“They carried him through the gates.”
One product. Cult brand. The pre-workout for the man who doesn’t need a product line — he needs one thing, and that thing needs to be devastating. Matte black jar. No label on the front. Just a debossed cross (the coffin lid). You know what it is. The branding is the absence.
DEAD MAN
Pre-Workout · 40 Servings
The strongest pre-workout on the market. L-Citrulline 10g, Beta-Alanine 4g, Caffeine 400mg, Alpha-GPC 600mg, Theobromine 200mg, L-Tyrosine 2g, Betaine 3g, Huperzine A 200mcg, Himalayan Salt 1.5g. Unflavored. Black powder. Mix with water. It tastes like nothing because the dead don’t taste. 40 servings because Ragnar hung from the gates for 40 minutes before his men breached the walls.
$65
Limited to 845 jars per production run — the year of the Siege of Paris. When it’s gone, it’s gone. The dead don’t wait.
Acquisition
Four brands. One saga.
Each brand can be acquired independently or as a package. All four share the Ragnar coffin trick narrative but operate as distinct market positions: cult single-product (DEAD MAN), premium pre-workout (THE COFFIN), full performance line (RISE), and tactical fitness ecosystem (SIEGE).
THE COFFIN
$100,000
2 products · Pre-workout
RISE
$175,000
5 products · Full line
SIEGE
$200,000
5 products + program
DEAD MAN
$125,000
1 product · 845/run
$600,000
Full Package · All Four Brands · Complete IP
The coffin is the container.
What’s inside is the weapon.
Four brands. One saga. Thirteen products. One training program. The Ragnar Coffin Trick applied to men’s performance.
Inquire →